


I Can Love

by JacieNL



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: 中文
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacieNL/pseuds/JacieNL
Summary: A psychodrama about the I-Love-Her-Like-A-Sister thing. One-shot. In both Chinese and English.哈七“我爱她有如姐妹”桥段解构，哈赫向。中文版本在第二章。





	1. I Can Love (English)

Ein Mensch kann zwar tun, was er will, aber nichi wollen, was er will. (A man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills.)

\-- Schopenhauer

 

Harry Potter was staring at Ron Weasley. Ron Weasley, who had saved his life from the nippy lake and destroyed a horcrux just now.

However, he felt no gladness but confusion.

What they just saw remained vivid in his mind.

Those two little figures emerging from the glass windows, stood in the locket side by side like trees with a common root. Their hair was all in a tangle, swirling like flames; even their eyes, flaring like flames too.

“Who wouldn't prefer him, what woman would take you, you are nothing, nothing, nothing to him!” crooned Riddle-Hermione, and she stretched like a snake and entwined herself around Riddle-Harry, wrapping him in a close embrace: Their lips met.

The broken locket in his clothes seemed to burn again. Shaking his head emphatically to throw out that scene, he crammed the broken locket into his pocket more deeply, knelt down beside Ron, and placed a hand cautiously on his shoulder.

Ron shrank, but did not throw it off. He was sinking his head in his arms and shaking yet.

Harry realized that it's not from cold. He realized that he must say something.

“After you left,” he hawked and said in a low voice, “she cried for a week.”

As an unknown hand squeezed him inside, his stomach lurched.

“Probably longer, only she didn't want me to see. There were loads of nights when we never even spoke to each other. With you gone...”

He could not finish.

The locket in his pocket began to stir; there's something struggling inside, biting the shell. He even felt that he heard a voice hissing.

_How could the bloody thing still be alive?_

He stretched a hand into his pocket, grasping it so hard as wanting to choke the life out of it. The sharp nick stabbed by the sword pressed against his skin tightly.

The twitch in his stomach got worse; it seemed that something pressed up against his chest. He thought that the freezing cold water of the lake might get him sick.

But Ron looked up from his knee; the glisten reflected from snow lit up the solicitous hope on his pale face -

He's waiting. Waiting for Harry’s word.

Then Harry gripped his own hand and went on.

“She's like my sister.”

With a stabbing pain in his fingertips, the burning hot snake finally burst its restraint, escaped through his fingers.

 _Sister?_ It mocked hissingly.

_What a sister would give up school and friends and even family for you?_

_What a sister would brave a vagrant and stormy life and even risk it without hesitation for you?_

_It's enough!_ He wanted to roar, but his throat was parched.

The snake was sliding on his hand slowly.

_What a sister would do all that for you, though she never said “what if I don't care”?_

_Shut up! I know, I know it all.... so I love her!_

He paused.

_I love her._

This sentence ran through his mind like lightning, shining quite clear on his heart. Suddenly, all of the puzzlement, confusion and hesitation melted.

_Yes, I love her._

_I love her, so I was afraid of her tears, yet didn't know how to give comfort._

_I love her, so I'd rather her not fight with Ron, yet had a sense of loss when their fingers being close._

_I love her, so whenever I was lost, the rational voice in my ears was in the tones of her, and the first thought through my mind was her name, all the time..._

_Why, take so much time to find it out?_

I can love.

The sentence that he had said in Dumbledore's office flashed in a moment, like a cold sneer.

_If I could know it earlier..._

“I love her.” He said, with self-awareness and forlorn desperation; a astringent taste filled his mouth.

He was staring at his best friend.

He was staring at Ron Weasley. Ron Weasley, who had saved his life from the nippy lake and destroyed a horcrux by the sword of Gryffindor just now.

Non-dissipated desire, sheer unexpectedness, grief and indignation at being abandoned, all mixed in Ron's eyes - it looked strange unspeakably with the starlight spilling in his cold blue pupils.

Harry began to tremble, for that gaze.

He relaxed his grip a bit. The snake didn't move, as if it's drowned in the tide of ecstasy and remorse drowning him but now. There's only a warm slimy feeling in his palm and a throb of pain at his fingertips.

He knew that he's going to lose the most precious thing.

_Why man always hadn't realized what he had until he's losing it?_

Finally, he heard his own voice, flying over the icebound lake, rippling in the silence of night, inane and remote as from a desolate valley. He said, “I love her, like a sister.”


	2. I Can Love（中文）

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 哈七“我爱她有如姐妹”桥段解构。

Ein Mensch kann zwar tun, was er will, aber nichi wollen, was er will. （人虽然能够做他所想做的，但不能要他所想要的。）

\-- Schopenhauer（叔本华）

 

哈利·波特正注视着罗恩·韦斯莱。刚刚从刺骨的湖水中解救了他的性命，刚刚用格兰芬多宝剑摧毁了一件魂器的罗恩·韦斯莱。

可是他心中却毫无喜悦，茫然不知所措。

他们方才所见的场景仍历历在目。

从盒子的玻璃小窗里浮现的那两个小人儿，像双生树一样肩并肩地站在挂坠盒上。他们交缠的发丝如火焰般跳动，眼里也闪着火焰般的光亮。

“谁不会更喜欢他呢？哪个女人会选择你？你什么都不是，和他相比，什么都不是！”赫敏低吟着，她像蛇一样轻柔地舒展身躯，紧紧绕住了哈利，用一个热情的拥抱把他拉向自己：他们的嘴唇相触了。

衣服里残破的挂坠盒似乎又变烫起来。他用力摇头甩开那场景，把那盒子朝口袋更深处推了推，然后缓步上前，小心地将手搭在罗恩肩头。

罗恩瑟缩了一下，没有躲开。他依旧抱着头蜷成一团，浑身颤抖。

哈利明白，那并非因为寒冷。他明白，他必须说些什么。

“自你离开之后，”他清了清嗓子，低声说，“她整整一个星期都在哭泣。”

有只手偷偷从里面攥住他，狠捏了一把，他胃里一阵抽搐。

“或许更长，只不过她不想让我看到她这样。好几个夜晚，我们甚至没有说过一句话。随着你的离去……”

他说不下去了。

口袋里的挂坠盒蠢蠢欲动，有什么在里面挣扎，噬咬着盒壁。他甚至觉得自己听到了蛇信子的嘶嘶声。

_那该死的东西怎么还活着？_

他把另一只手探进衣袋，狠命握住它，像是要扼死什么东西似的。宝剑刺开的锋锐缺口紧绷绷地抵着他的皮肤。

胃里翻腾得更厉害了，胸口堵得发慌。他想，那寒冷刺骨的湖水一定是让他生病了。

但罗恩从两膝间抬起头望向他，雪地的反光映出他苍白的脸上炽热的希望——

他在等着他说下去。

于是哈利捏紧拳头，继续说道：

“她就像是我的姐妹。”

指尖一阵刺痛，那条热得发烫的小蛇终于挣脱了禁锢，由他指缝间挣出身来。

 _姐妹？_ 它嘶嘶地嗤笑。

_有哪个姐妹会为了你，放弃学业，疏远朋友，离开家人？_

_有哪个姐妹会为了你，颠沛流离，出生入死，义无反顾？_

_够了！_ 他想怒吼，喉咙里却涩涩地发干。

小蛇在他手上缓缓地滑动着身躯。

_有哪个姐妹会为了你，做这一切，却从来不说“如果我不在乎”？_

_别说了！我知道，我全都知道……所以我爱她！_

他顿住了。

_我爱她。_

这句话在他脑海中闪电一般划过，将他的心照得透亮。忽然间，所有的不解、困惑、迟疑全都消失了。

_是的，我爱她。_

_我爱她，所以我害怕看到她的泪水却拙于安慰。_

_我爱她，所以我不愿听见她和罗恩争吵，看到他们手指相近时又觉得失落。_

_我爱她，所以每当我迷茫时，耳边响起的总是她的声音，脑中闪过的总是她的名字……_

_为什么，用了这么久才发现呢？_

我能爱。

在邓布利多办公室里说过的这句话忽地闪过，像一个冰冷的嘲笑。

_如果能早点明白的话……_

“我爱她。”他带着初识自我的激情和孤注一掷的绝望说，苦涩的味道在他嘴里漫开。

他正注视着自己最好的朋友。

他正注视着罗恩·韦斯莱。刚刚从刺骨的湖水中解救了他的性命，刚刚用格兰芬多宝剑摧毁了一件魂器的罗恩·韦斯莱。

未及消散的渴望、猝不及防的惊疑、被离弃的悲愤，在罗恩眼中交错混杂，衬着夜空在他冰蓝的瞳孔里洒下的点点星光，说不出地异样。

这目光，让他颤抖起来。

哈利微微松动手指。小蛇一动不动，刚才淹没他的那阵夹杂狂喜和悔恨的潮水似乎也把它溺死了。残存的只有手掌间温湿黏滑的触感和指尖上一跳一跳的锐痛。

他知道自己将要失去最宝贵的东西了。

_为什么人总要到失去时才能明白呢？_

终于，他听见自己的声音，飘过冰封的湖面在夜色中回响，如来自无人的空谷般苍白而遥远。他说：“我爱她，有如姐妹。”


End file.
